When we first became parents, it felt like we were thrown into the deep end with no armbands. I vividly remember leaving the hospital with a little Libby, and the only qualification demanded of me? A suitable car seat. I was sure someone was going to realise I had no idea what I was doing and stop me from driving away.
As a new parent there is no escaping the fact that nothing truly prepares you for the reality of raising a tiny human.
So when we recently saw a Reddit thread started by Robertsmary731 asking "What advice would you give to someone about to become a parent?" we just had to take a look. In amongst the hundreds of responses we picked 10 that really resonated with us.
So, let's dive into some of our favourite advice from this Reddit thread, offering a dose of reality and a reminder that we're not alone on this incredible journey:
1. Grab Your Sleep When You Can
One of the most common things new parents here is "how much sleep are you getting?". In our experience the answer is very likely “not enough!” But as Redditor, u/cobwebs5/ points out, sometimes the oldest advice is the best advice:
"For newborns: That "sleep when the baby sleeps" advice is gold."
We relied on a portable video monitor that isn't dependent on WiFi. It's a great way to give us peace of mind and help us relax while our babies slept (or get on with jobs if we were feeling really determined!)
2. Embrace the Chaos and Lower Your Expectations
Redditor Complex-Benefit749 realistically advises new parents to be ready to roll with the punches:
"Lower your expectations. Seriously. You're gonna be tired. Like, really tired. Things are gonna get messy. And you're not gonna know what the heck you're doing half the time. And that's totally okay. Nobody does."
3. It is a Marathon, Not a Sprint - Even if it Feels Like Both, Sometimes at the Same Time
Redditor Chance-Butterfly4970 shares a perspective on time with your newborn:
"Give your child as much closeness and love as possible. Enjoy every second you can cuddle with them....You only have a limited amount of time before they grow up and go their own way. And that time passes much faster than you think."
Parenting is a long game filled with intense phases. It's important to take a breath and appreciate our unique relationship with our children - it can even help banish that sense of overwhelm sometimes!
4. Accept Help, You Are Allowed, and You Will Need It
Many of us find it hard to ask for, and accept, help when we need it most; Verlorenfrog reminds us that it is OK to lean on others:
"Get help from anyone who is willing to."
Accepting offers of help, whether it's a meal, an hour of babysitting, or just a listening ear, can make a world of difference.
5. Trust Your Gut, But Seek Help When You Need It
Redditor rjd2point0 offers an important reminder that our own instincts are often right and we shouldn’t be afraid to follow them:
"Everybody's winging it, nobody knows what they're doing. Trust your instincts and enjoy having a tiny human around."
Parenting can seem overwhelming at times and we might feel underqualified - be sure to listen to, and trust, your inner voice - it often knows just what you need to do.
6. Prepare for the Unexpected
As Redditor Background-Owl-1823 points out, it is important to prepare for potential issues and be ready to reach out for professional help if you have any doubts:
"Is your baby crying?
Dirty diaper? Change them.
Hungry? Feed them.
Just ate? Burp them.
Sleepy? Rock them to sleep.
It is almost always 1 of those 4 things. You will worry it is something worse. If they literally never stop crying you should get that checked out. Your pediatrician will not hold it against you, it’s expected.”
We’d swap the pediatrician for the NHS 111 line (we’ve used it many times and it's been a fantastic way to help make the right decision when our children have been unwell). It is perfectly normal for babies to get sick, and it is useful to be prepared for when it happens.
7. Document the Journey, it Will Fly By
Redditor CommercialLast1501 reminds us to record as much of the journey as possible:
"Take a lot of pictures, even on the messy days. You’ll want those memories later."
Pictures and videos are wonderful, and they don’t need to be perfect - memories of the messy reality are far better than the pain of trying to get “that perfect picture”. Milestone Cards are a great way to do this and turn the moment into a keepsake. You'll cherish these memories in the years to come.
8. Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
Redditor tossaway78701 highlights the crucial need for parents to work as a team:
"Parenting is an extreme tag team sport. TEAM being the key word."
This is often harder for single parents but the advice still holds - try to build a support network in any way you can, you’ll be amazed how happy friends and family can be for a chance to muck in with your super cute baby!
9. It is Harder Than You Think It Will Be…And More INCREDIBLE!
Redditor top2percent sums this up beautifully:
"It’s an exercise in patience, problem solving, and teamwork. The first few months are psychological torture. It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever done."
Parenting is hard work, but it's also incredibly rewarding. Don't be too hard on yourself when things get tough, you will come out the other side and the fact that you are questioning yourself shows that you ARE a good parent!
10. Be prepared to find yourself understanding your own parents a lot better!
This one isn’t from Reddit, it’s from the comedian Sarah Pascoe on Kirsty Young’s show Young Again on Radio 4.
"It's very difficult to be properly compassionate to your parents until you’re the age they were making those decisions.”
This resonates, doesn't it? When I became a parent I found myself wanting to apologise to my own parents for things I had no idea they’d had to deal with! Parenthood truly changes our perspective.
Final Thoughts
So, to all the new parents (and grandparents!) out there, relax and enjoy the journey as best you can. Parenting is undoubtedly difficult, a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences. There will be mistakes, messes, and moments of sheer exhaustion. But amidst the chaos, there will be unparalleled joy, unconditional love, and a bond like no other.
I'll leave you with the a piece of wisdom from my wife's late mother, (a child psychologist) who simply said,
"Children remember the flavour, not the specifics. Focus on how you make them feel most of the time, not on the odd occasion you get it wrong or lose your temper."
So, don't compare yourself to others, every family is unique. Do seek advice, it can come from the most unexpected of places, and do remember that what matters most is the love and connection you share with your child. The specifics will fade, but the flavour will last a lifetime.
